Hey, so I decided to change my lj name, because using the first name you think of at three in the morning, with a song stuck in your head and not enough sleep is never good. Plus the name is just dorky. Anyway, so I'll be changing my name to Aphaeas_ghost for the three of you that have friended me. Just wanted to give you the heads up cause this thing is about to disappear, and you will have to refriend me (but it's all in a good cause...really). Any thoughts on the name?

In other news-spent the day hanging out with my immediate family, one aunt, an uncle and two cousins, which was cool. It was really nice to see them. Yeah, I know, I'm a dork and all, but I actually LIKE my family. It's weird. Even when they go out and drag me along to Civil War reenactments and talk about the price of hoop skirts for years. Still, don't ask my opinion after being around them for several weeks straight, but it was cool to see my cousins especially. I don't get to see them enough. (Probably because I have an entire horde of relatives to try and visit periodically.)

Current Mood: embarrassed

I am successfully home; Dad didn't kill me. I managed to get everything ready before he got here (yay horrible 95 traffic), and then slept for like 14 hours when I got home. So now I'll be living out of boxes at my parents for the next six months. Woohoo. Right now I think I'll go konk out in front of the tv; I am still le tired. Maybe I'll go see Lady in the Water this week, now that I have access to a car. The possibilities are endless...plus it seems like a movie that's right up my alley.

Dude, that was a long fricking post. I'm such a dork, and still not packing. I will throw the rest of my shit in bags, I will throw the rest of my shit in bags, I will throw the rest of my shit in bags. Ok, that's off my chest.
............I'm still an uberdork-ah well.

Current Mood: lazy

I read a short story tonight that really got under my skin and made me think. As you can see the packing is going fabulously, between the reading and all. And I'm getting picked up in 6 hours-crap. Anyway, the story is by Ursula K. Le Guin; it's called The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas. I have a great deal of respect for Le Guin. I love some of her work and I hate some of her work, but I love how almost everything she writes has its own unique style, world and feeling that is completely different from whatever else she has written. Although, all of her stuff is very cerebral. That difference is why I can both love and hate her stuff, and why I respect her writing so much. And I love, love, love The Left Hand of Darkness. Seriously, everyone should go out and read it right now.

Ahem...sorry that was a bit of a tangent. Anyway, the story that I read tonight was this stream of consciousness short story that described this perfect, happy world filled with compassionate, intelligent people called Omelas. Of course, we, mere unhappy, craven and guilty, people would NEVER understand the beauty of the world, and the wonderful science and the amenities available to everyone, and how everyone there was happy all the time, everyday. Really, they are. Just look around. The only thing that marred this image is the way the world was able to maintain this wonderful way of life was to put an imbecilic child in a broom closet. Where "it" sat scared, alone, three quarters starved, with sores all over its body, and only had contact with people when they peered in at it. Everyone knew about the child. Almost everyone went to look at the child at some point. They all felt bad about it, but they managed to rationalize this feeling by saying that the child would never really appreciate freedom and that really it probably would be incredibly unhappy if it was taken from the only "home" it's known. Besides the knowledge of this child is the only thing that makes this city so great blah, blah, blah. The good of the many outweigh the possible good of the one..blah fricking blah. The freaky thing is that Le Guin almost managed to make all of this sound incredibly reasonable. But she ends her story by saying that there are people in this city who, when they find out about the child or their consciences outweigh their complacency or whatever, just leave the city-without ever looking or coming back. "...they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk from Omelas." is the last line, and that is the line that gets me because it is the one tiny bit of uncertainty in this whole thing.

It's also the most hopeful part of the whole story-that people can up and leave and never look back despite the amenities and how wonderful everything sounds on the surface. So I really like this story because of that last idea. I also kind of think that this is really how our society (meaning people who live fairly well, and generally reside in first world countries) view the people who aren't doing as well as they are. That idea of, well it sucks, but hey it has to happen to somebody. And really what would those people do if they were given the opportunity to live better? They'd probably squander the opportunity..blah blah. That's why the description of the systematic rationalization over the years freaked me out a bit, because I've heard people TALK like that in real life, in everyday conversation. Very intelligent, compassionate, and emotional people, too. (Actually it almost seems like very emotional people are more prone to rationalize if they do it, because they need to for their own personal well being) Anyway, just some thoughts that are rambling around in my head about this story. I think I've always been aware of people acting/thinking like this, just it's kind of cool and kind of disturbing to actually see the logical extreme or what already exists in our society put so baldly down in a short story, with no apologies or ways to say "hey, but YOU'RE not like this friendly reader. You're reading this, pat on the head for you." Though there is that one ray of hope with the people who leave for the parts unknown, and parts that are almost definitely not going to be as comfortable.

In the end, the story just makes me think what I can do about my own complacency, such as it is. I think I'm doing what I can with what I have for the moment (I mean I'm joining the friggin' Peace Corps), but I dunno... I just hope that it's enough. Anyway, it was cool to find this story as I'm packing up and preparing for Peace Corps (and being very frustrated by the long, laborious process to actually get over there. It boggles me that thousands of people do this every year. Oh, but hey-I'm doing it too. I'm insane.) So the story just reminded me once again why I want to do this whole crazy, crazy adventure/scheme/whatever type thing. I just...I just don't want to become complacent and ever think that it's ok to forget the underdog, because it's possible. Not only that, it's tempting, and it's also completely possible (as a very empathetic person) that one day I'll try so hard to change things that one day I'll become angry and disgusted with the people that I'm trying to help. Even though the people aren't any different from people who are well off aside from opportunity and education (I mean, dude, I'm dyslexic and you can't tell that because I've had all the help I could possibly need with that) and, more importantly, even though it was my choice to help in the first place. That's part of the story that isn't included, but it's true anyway. I'm kind of afraid that one day I'll forget what I actually want to accomplish (not that I really know what that is aside from a vague need to help people in whatever way I can, whether it's through Peace Corps or later through directing-hopefully) and I'll become a complacent, disillusioned, cynical person. It's definitely possible, and even probable. I've seen the evidence of it in people who are far older than me, who (on the surface) seem far wiser.

Dude, that was long, but these're just a few of the ideas that whirling around my head right now. All brought on by the itty bitty story by Ursula K. Le Guin. Now you can see why I respect her so much. You should all go read it too (if anyone actually ever reads this post) even though I totally just spoiled the entire story if you actually read my post. Very cool story, I like, books good. Oh crap, 5 hours now. I am so dead.

Sorry about the length, but I have no clue how to do the bracket thingy.

Current Mood: thoughtful

I'm going to try posting in this thing as often as I can, but I am notoriously bad about doing stuff like this. Mostly cause I'm an intensely private person (which is just code for being ridiculously shy. But not in the blushing cutely shy way that makes people want to pat you on the head but in the intellectually reserved way that makes people think that I'm smarter than I am and intimidates many.) Still, I'm going to try. I'm still packing my stuff to move from the city I lived in college to move to bum off of my parents for the next few months. I like going through everything when I pack, but I hate all of the effort and dust it takes (not to mention the packing triage you have to go through to decide which things you really need-my poor, poor books-I will mourn them fiercely). I have been sneezing non stop for the last four days. I will be incredibly glad to get out of here though. I've been in this city for way too long. Yay for positive change. Though, I'm sad that I will have to leave so many of my books behind. I love my books-I will miss them dearly.

Current Mood: tired

So, I thought I knew what I wanted to say here, but then it turns out that I really have no clue what I want to say. This is my first post in a livejournal account (at least one of my own making rather than one I was bludgeoned into), and I had all these things I wanted to get off my chest but somehow all the things I wanted to say sounded a lot cooler in my head. Anyway, I decided to create this account because my life is currently going through a great deal of change, and I wanted to document it (and maybe let my family see it in a few months). I am currently attempting to get into the Peace Corps. I have been nominated to leave in January as health/nutritionist volunteer in non Spanish speaking Latin America. I'm insanely excited about it and I want it to be January already, but right now I need to get through the hassle of medical clearance, packing my stuff up so I can bum off of my parents for th next couple of months (which I'm currently avoiding), and other fun stuff like that. Really I want this journal to be mostly about my Peace Corps experience, and provide a way for my family to keep in touch with me. We'll see if I actually use it for that.

Just a note about my username: I have had bastardized Botany Bay lyrics in my head and for some reason they seem to fit my current endeavours so I decided to use them as my title. Here are my bastardized lyrics:
Oh, had I the wings of an eagle
I'd soar on my pinions so high
Straight to the arms of me true love
and in his sweet bosom I'd lie

They are quite changed from the original, but the word changes suit my own personality better. I'm basically calling this account "wingsofaneagle" in the whimsical hope that the path I am currently taking will land me in the arms of my true love, or at least it will take me on an incredible journey where I can fulfill whatever potential I can and do what I can to help the world. Which is a sentiment that embarrasses me to actually put in writing, but hey what can I say? I'm an embarrassed altruist that just hopes I'm doing what I ought to be doing, and you know for the first time in a long time I think I'm actually exactly where I'm supposed to be.